Hello, hello. A moment with you after a long time.

 Sooo, I have not been here for quite some time. How did the holiday season go for you? Was it cheerful or depressing? Either way, you survived another year, and that’s something to be really proud of. If you’ve reached this point, I’m proud of you. Also, I hope this year will be a good one for you and for those you love. Hmmm, a bit of catching up, then? D’you already have your cup of coffee or tea with you? Fun fact: As much as I can and as long as time allows me to do so, I start my daily life with a generous cup of iced coffee that I make in our office pantry. :))

The current last entry of this blog, as you know, was sort of like a long letter written by no one else but me, bidding farewell behind paragraphs of metaphors. Obviously, and very candidly speaking, I cannot be certain of being exactly thankful for still being alive with a body and all my responsibilities as a human being, but all those thoughts notwithstanding, I am still here, and so are you. How do you feel at this very moment as you read these words? Right now, as I write yet another blog letter, I feel eccentrically lonely. I say it's an unusual feeling, despite the fact that I've been lonely almost all of the time ever since. It’s rather strange at this time because... I feel lonely, but at the same time, I do not want to feel lonely. Or, it’s more like, I feel lonely, but in a way, I am quietly forcing myself not to feel like this and focus on other things. In some ways, I'm invalidating myself for how I feel. I’m aware, but at the same time, a part of me has been whispering, "I only want you not to be so down in the blues right now, because there are other things to think of and actually do, and it’s the beginning of another loaded, hectic week early in the morning tomorrow."

Either way, I have to admit that I do not know whether I made any sense at all, but I hope you get where I am coming from, even just for a bit. Generally, I reckon what I’m trying to point out is that I feel lonely right now, and when you already feel bad about something, invalidating or not permitting yourself to feel things will just make you feel a lot worse than you already are because, to begin with, feeling things as a human being doesn’t need to have permission first. You just feel things, and you cannot avoid or stop that completely.

That was the significant realisation I had today. To share a personal experience, my partner and I recently fought over something that led to me invalidating how he felt in a way. More often than not, it’s harder to admit we have done or said something wrong or hurtful than actually acknowledging what we did and how it affected others. I did realise where I went wrong and apologised for it. If there's one thing you should do after doing something that has caused someone to feel frustrated or hurt, it's to offer your sincere apologies and pick up where you left off so you can avoid doing it again. I am not in any way pretending or acting to be either too positive or too motivational, but I do believe that apologising goes a long way, especially if you match your words with further needed action.

Being certain that you are validating how others think and feel carries with it a tremendous value that we must always be apprised of. Naturally, I find it more difficult to acknowledge how I feel and what I am going through than to see and hear out other people’s sentiments and experiences. I’ve already encountered way too many people who have told me I am too hard on myself, and I know it for a fact. I hope we can all be kinder and gentler to ourselves as we are to others, especially to the ones we love and cherish.

As I reach this part of my blog letter, and as you have already read more than seven hundred words and counting, I still feel lonely, but I can say the weight of it has lessened now. Whenever I feel lonely, I can strongly feel it in my chest. My heart hurts in a lonely, crestfallen kind of way.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve described my loneliness as a feeling that hurts my heart every time. But it really does; it genuinely pains my heart. I am also writing this as a means to alleviate the hurting I am currently in. Somehow, writing has always extended its comforting companionship to me, and it’s something I’ll remain thankful for.

I feel lonely right now, and I’ll try to acknowledge this feeling as much as I can. It will pass, but first, it’s valuable and critical to acknowledge that it exists, that it pains me, that loneliness is here with me at this very moment, and that I need to accept it in order to let go of it.

Good night, good morning, and good afternoon, wherever you might be right now. Please take care of your heart.

Also, before I finally end this, book club is coming up. Let me know if you’re interested by popping a message up on Instagram: www.instagram.com/melancholydrunk